SPAM
OKSV · The star of the group chat
“I sent 87 messages. I haven’t left my bed.”
You’re the type to…
- 01send “I’M DEAD” with a screenshot, no context, at 2 a.m.
- 02reply to the group in 4 seconds, and to your mum in 4 days
- 03have a group chat to talk about the people in the other two group chats
- 04write “we should do something this weekend??” and never organise anything
- 05leave the “URGENT” email unopened, but launch a poll about your haircut
What about you?
Take the testIts 4 axes
Crisis · When trouble hits
F Firefighter
You act right away, usually in a panic.
O Ostrich
If you don’t look, it doesn’t exist.
Energy · Your cruising speed
T Tornado
14 projects, 3 coffees, 0 breaks.
K Koala
Claims to need 22 hours of sleep.
Social · Where you recharge
S Stage
You need an audience.
C Cave
A voice note left unplayed for three days.
Emotion · What you let show
V Volcano
Everything comes out, right away.
I Iceberg
10% visible, 90% underwater.
The numbers
- 412Messages sent per day
- 100% online, 3% IRLSocial battery
- 0Problems solved
The verdict
Your social life is a 400-episode series, watched from your bed. You feel everything at 200%, share it at 300% and fix it at 0%. Without you, the group chat would have died long ago. With you, it never sleeps.
Useless superpower
Finding the 2019 screenshot that proves you were right, in 3 seconds.
Red flag
You type “I’m dead” at least four times a day.
You bring the drama, PODCAST replies with a calm voice note and fixes it all. The group runs on you two.
ROBOT acts fast, says nothing and has muted every group chat. Your 87 messages will stay unanswered.
FAQ
How do you spot a SPAM?
They wrote half the messages in the group chat, send screenshots at 2 a.m. and haven’t been outside all week.
Who does SPAM get along with best?
PODCAST: one brings the stories, the other the calm. They never get bored.
How do you survive a SPAM?
Mute the group without telling them, react once in five messages and take them outside now and then.
The other types
