WHAT-IF
FKCV · The disaster scriptwriter
“He wrote “ok.” with a full stop. Do you think that’s bad?”
You’re the type to…
- 01reread a sent message six times to check the tone
- 02rehearse next Tuesday’s argument at 3 a.m., in three versions
- 03carry plasters, a charger and tissues in every bag
- 04read the lack of a smiley as a breakup
- 05check the door is locked three times. Then a fourth, with a photo
What about you?
Take the testIts 4 axes
Crisis · When trouble hits
F Firefighter
You act right away, usually in a panic.
O Ostrich
If you don’t look, it doesn’t exist.
Energy · Your cruising speed
T Tornado
14 projects, 3 coffees, 0 breaks.
K Koala
Claims to need 22 hours of sleep.
Social · Where you recharge
S Stage
You need an audience.
C Cave
A voice note left unplayed for three days.
Emotion · What you let show
V Volcano
Everything comes out, right away.
I Iceberg
10% visible, 90% underwater.
The numbers
- 41Disaster scenarios written this month
- 0Scenarios that actually happened
- 3 a.m.Peak hour
The verdict
You react fast to problems, especially the ones that don’t exist yet. Your brain is a streaming platform: 41 disaster scenarios this month, all in HD, none of them filmed. Good news: you are the most prepared person on earth. Bad news: for everything.
Useless superpower
Seeing problems coming before they exist. Even the ones that never will.
Red flag
You ask “are you mad at me?” to people who didn’t know you were there.
You worry about everything, GHOST worries about nothing and replies three days later, relaxed. Your natural sedative.
SMILEY is everywhere, all the time, and says “all good” when nothing is. Your brain is already writing the script of their downfall.
FAQ
How do you spot a WHAT-IF?
They have a first-aid kit in their bag, an alarm for every appointment and a theory about every full stop in a text.
Who does WHAT-IF get along with best?
GHOST: same love of the duvet, and a total detachment that brings every worry back down.
How do you survive a WHAT-IF?
Add smileys to everything, reply fast and reassure them one more time. Without sighing.
The other types
